can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
