A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I fill condoms, not promises.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
