Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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