their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
