If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
