Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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