Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
