we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
