come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
