If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
