That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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