Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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