The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
