I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
