I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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