My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
