nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
