I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Every concussion has its silver lining
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
