Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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