When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
