There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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