just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
