she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
