I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
