Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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