I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this will be a night to untag.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
