my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
