i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
