I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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