i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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