My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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