Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he fucked my hip out of place.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
