i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
