like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Alive.
So much puke
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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