its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
