He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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