Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
