Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
