I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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