he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
