I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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