Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
