he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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