we have pet lesbian snakes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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