the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
