Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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