He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
