yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's rum buckets o'clock
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
