Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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