i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
